Tag: sad

I Don’t Pretend To Be Sick…I Pretend To Be Okay

I don’t know how many of you have an autoimmune disease, but the ones that do, know exactly what my title means. The amount of energy it takes to do anything at all is enormous, and it will take us days to recover.painpain-dark

Most of the time I find myself falling asleep if I sit down for any length of time. I don’t do it on purpose, my body just shuts down. I have learned to listen to my body, because when I don’t, I end up in the hospital.

My husband has been my rock. He is simply amazing. He does the laundry, washes the dishes, runs the sweeper and other numerous things. He knows that I simply can not do these things anymore. I do little things like dust, fold the towels and other small things. I don’t know how many times he has rescued me from myself. (Found me doing things that will disable me for days and stopped me.)

I have gotten a new rheumatologist that I saw a few weeks ago. My old rheumatologist and I didn’t see eye to eye on many things. One of which was pain. I have Gouty Arthritis (osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease) which is extremely painful and when I am in a flair, my joints swell up with Uric Acid Crystals which you can actually feel through my skin. My new rheumatologist is wonderful. We are working together on a pain management plan that I am more than willing to try. So far…so good.

I am not writing this to complain. I am writing to inform others how people with an autoimmune disease feel. It is an invisible disease. You can’t see anything wrong with us, but trust me, there is plenty wrong. So when you hear someone say that they have an autoimmune disease, don’t downplay it and whatever you do, don’t offer any advice unless you have an autoimmune disease too…cause you just don’t know.

The Landfill (Earth)

From the eyes of some Alien Nation

They come across a landfill

Mounds and mounds of trash and stench

They look at each other

Their long tapering fingers

Scratching their heads in wonder

Without the need for speech

They communicate their dislike

To each other and wonder how

Or why earth people choose

To live this way

If they would only listen

It is so easy to live without

All of the trash and stench

This disposable society in

Which they choose to live

Is so unnecessary

This Alien Nation tried so

many years ago to help

this earth colony to no avail

Once again they looked

At each other, shook their heads

And flew back to their home

After all, it is their choice

They know we exist and choose

To ignore the warning signs

Let them live in their

Trash and their stench

Where Did I Go Wrong

Like a bolt of lightening

Has struck my heart

Not knowing where or when

I should have tried harder

Tried a different type of

Discipline when small

Where did I go wrong

When young it was so easy

To correct and address wrong doing

As a teen you start seeing problems

Wondering how to get their attention

To get them moving in the right direction

Chastisement is a joke as you see

Their eyes glaze over and you know

That they are not listening so you stop

Where did I go wrong

Calls come in the middle of the night now

No longer can he resist he needs help

But the calls come not to talk or ask advice

Just calling for money or getting out of trouble

It’s the norm these days and just like that

They cease to exist and leave no trace

Where did I go wrong with my love

What Makes You Think I Care?

What Makes You Think I Care ?

A phrase often heard when I was young

It seemed to easily roll off the tongue

It was meant to hurt whoever heard

The direction of the words observed

By the speaker who had the upper hand

The say so, the rules and strength to grandstand

Words can often hurt more than any other

Things that can be done by another

The words were often meant to scare

What makes you think I care?

Restless Legs

I have RLS (Restless leg Syndrome). I have had it for about 4 years and lately the medication has kind of quit working. Tonight was particularly bad. I am going to call my doctor on Monday, but until then, do any of you have any pointers as to what I might try?  I would be ever so grateful to get a good nights sleep on occasion.

I have tried drinking dill pickle juice, tonic water with quinine, hot showers, icy hot, ice packs and tylenol to name just a  few things, and nothing is even beginning to cut it this time. My calves are at the stage of cramping up and are very painful. I have even tried walking with my cane around the apartment. The only thing walking does is to aggravate my back. So I stop walking for a while.

I am not usually one to complain about my physical problems, and I am sorry for that, but I sincerely hope that someone out there can give me a suggestion or two.

Thank you all so much for putting up with my little rant. I really need some relief and some sleep. pain